Gender Roles

     The earliest I remember my parents communicating expectations for my gender was probably at kindergarten age. My prized possession in life was my cowgirl boots, taking a close second to Strawberry Shortcake dolls and our family dog, Chessie. Maybe I should back up for a second - my gender identity is female, however I have known for longer than I could articulate it that gender is something that fluctuates, that is dichotomous for me. I have always vacillated between feminine and masculine, sometimes in the span of the same day or same outfit. My parents were wonderful in celebrating that at times, I am a "girly girl" and others, I seek refuge in my tomboy side. The memory I referred to earlier had to do with a shiny, silver pocket knife that I received as a gift from my father, Jon. Growing up in Wyoming and being a Daddy's girl, cowgirl boots and pocket knives were status symbols to me. Having a pocket knife meant many things - that I was being trusted with a potentially dangerous object and that I could sit around the campfire or out in the garage with my Dad and whittle wood. It played to my intense desire to be a cowgirl, and I also valued my pocket knife because my Dad had one and my Mom didn't. I knew at the time that most of my girl buddies didn't have their own pocket knives, but some of the boys I knew had them. I didn't feel as though I was being given the wrong kind of gift; quite the contrary, in fact. My mother is very proud of her independence and self-sufficiency, and that quality was one of the things that made my father fall in love with her. To me, having a pocket knife had something to do with being independent and self-reliant. I was allowed to safely use my new treasure while tromping around in my pink cowgirl boots, Strawberry Shortcake and Chessie in tow.
     The most recent interaction with someone who communicated expectations for my gender was at a clothing store I like to frequent. This chain is my favorite stop for comfy hooded sweatshirts, t-shirts, caps and belts. They carry surf/skate/snowboard gear, and I tend to shop in the men's side of the store exclusively. On the day in question a few weeks ago, a young lady approached me to tell me about the current sale being held. We were standing in the center of the store, exactly between the men's and women's clothing, and she began telling me about skinny jeans, frilly blouses and snug-fitting jackets. I thanked her for her help and continued browsing the men's t-shirts and hoodies. I didn't take offense to her making assumptions about my style preference - I have long hair, feminine features and wear some make-up, so it may have been logical for her to assume that I would want to shop the other side of the store. I feel more comfortable in a balanced mixed of masculine and feminine clothing, and generally feel only a bit uneasy when I ask for a fitting room carrying clothes from the men's side of the store. I was annoyed at the sales clerk's assumption, but at the same time, I am not so self-centered as to think she should know any different. The last hundred women who walked into her store probably shopped on the other side - I, however, will continue to be polite, smile, and dress like a 17 year old boy.