It's been nearly a year since I've posted anything new - and oh, how things have changed. I took a semester off, and upon returning to school, find myself in another classroom at Metro, talking about gender - and loving it! I began this blog while enrolled in Gender and Communication, and this semester I am studying the Psychology of Gender. Our text book is chock full of new information, and also things that are very familiar to me. Discussion of gender roles, stereotypes, gender development, sexuality and the dynamics of power keep me thinking for days after class is over. Somedays I leave class full of new questions, sometimes feeling affirmed, sometimes with a smile that stays stuck on my face all the way until Cell and Molecular Biology. We had a 2 panels in our classroom this past month - one consisted of transgender/transsexual/gender queer individuals who shared their experiences with us and the other of therapists who specialized in gender conflict and transition. I was amazed at the strength, courage and willingness that the participants exhibited in sharing a deeply personal part of their collective life experiences!
This past year has given me ample opportunities to realize some important things about myself. During the time I was studying gender and communication, I experienced a traumatic event that I am still working through, slowly and steadfast. I had no idea that the topics we discussed in class would have direct application to my life, or the amount of resources I discovered were available to me. I have an amazing support system and network of friends, colleagues and classmates who showed up for me in ways I never imagined. I realized that there are grave flaws in our judicial system, and that stereotypes, bias and privilege are active forces in the civil systems we depend on. I discovered that I am quite capable of defending myself in a life-threatening situation - a lesson that I never wanted resolute confirmation of. I found that power is abused readily and with rationalization - I also gave new definitions to feeling empowered and what it means to take my power back in a way that hurts no one.
For years, I have had a bed of embers within me - occasionally I am stirred by an event, a conversation, an experience, a story or something I'm witness to. I recall vividly the day I protested downtown when Prop 8 was being appealed, caring for victims of violence at my work in a downtown emergency department, the death of my beautiful friend Lic Sanson and what she went through in the years before her death... These poignant moments are when I felt an urgency to act, a need to do something to help. My passion for speaking up, standing up for what I believe, and lifting up those who feel powerless has been renewed in a way that is hard to describe. These experiences that fan the flame inside of me have moved deeper, been consumed and utilized in another way, brought closer to me and are fueling a need to be aware, to get involved. I recently discovered a word for this enigmatic resident of my innermost self - or at least the change I'm yearning to work toward- social justice.
More to come as I explore what this means to me and how I can take action, in unity, with infinite hope. In my own tradition, as borrowed from Inda Eaton, "there's a song in that..." - or at least a lyric :o)
"Time is the anchor, change is the constant, love is the trigger" - Chris Pureka
